A new day

Starting today I am going to make a conscious effort to change my thinking.  This morning when I woke I worked myself into such a state that I gave myself a bloody nose.  That is how much I have been stressed out.  I cannot let that happen.    

I’ve experienced the path that negative thinking leads me down and I will not let myself venture down that road again.  I will not allow myself to react to situations like this anymore because I am the only one who is going to get hurt in the end.

 Yes reactions are necessary, for example if you don’t react to a car that doesn’t slow down in an intersection; you will get extremely hurt.  However the way I reacted yesterday and continued to just let myself react react react was not helpful.  In fact, the more I think about it, the more it lead me down that path of negative thinking.  When I woke up this morning, still sick from the fact that someone has violated my sense of security in my own home, I realized right there how I was setting the tone for my Thursday.  Have I had a stressful week?  Of Course.  Has it been more stressful because of current events. Of Course.  Why however should I let myself play the victim card?  What good will that do expect lead me further down the path of negative thinking.  I allowed myself one day to let my reactions dictate how I acted and from this point forward that is all I will allow. 

You see, (whoever may be reading this blog) I have realized that I am the one who controls my thoughts, and my actions.  Not some part of my subconscious playing victim.  Sure I can choose to let it take over my day like it did yesterday, but I realized… I’m in Denmark.  I worked my ASS off for a year and ½ to get here.  I made it here, and made it with a full scholarship allowing me to pursue my dreams in Academia.  I sure as hell didn’t achieve all of that by playing the mopey whiney victim card.  I did it by believing in myself and I am one hell of a hardworking person.  Sure this is a bump in the road… a major bump.  A giant gaping pothole even.  However the good thing about those pesky potholes is they get filled up with a mixture that makes them even stronger.  

That is what I want to spend my day doing.  Re-gaining my strength.  What have I learned from this?  That evil (as much as I hate to acknowledge it) still exists in this world and sadly affects everyone.  This is the world I live in, I am more aware of this now.  Will I be more cautious in where I leave my valuables?  Of course.  Will I let it turn me into a paranoid person?  Hell no.  I am going to do the hardest possible thing here and forgive this thief.  Yesterday if I had caught you I would have raised hell.  But today, forgiveness.  I don’t know why you made the conscious choice to steal something that wasn’t yours, and something you probably knew was vital to the well being of another person.  I am not going to try and think like you.  I am not you.  I am sorry that this is the path you have chosen for yourself in this life.  I feel your hurt and pain through the hurt and pain you have caused me.  You must have a lot of negativity surrounding you in life, so let me ease some of that off your shoulders with forgiveness.  I pray that you can soon get off this path you have chosen and start to experience the joys that life has to offer.  The simplicity of the sun shining and the birds chirping, the joy found on a walk with your dog.  Positive things.  Experiences that make you realize that we are all human, sharing a human experience, and the desire to make everyone’s experience amazing every single day.  I hope you find that path in life.  I hope the weight of your actions can soon be lifted off your shoulders, so you can find the joy in this life and start to make up for the hurt and pain you have caused others.  From the depths of my heart, I forgive you. 

So, like I said before.  I am not going to let this get me down anymore than it already has.  It is an absolute GORGEOUS day outside today.  I danced in the sunshine on my balcony to some awesome tunes.  I made it through Danish class without crying, and the feeling that I actually might understand it, instead of drawing a big blank.  I met some awesome Australians that live 3 floors down from me and offered to help me out if I ever need anything.  I also met another American who is doing her 2 year Masters here and we are going to make plans to get together for some fun in Denmark. 

I am alive and healthy and I get to live my dream.  I am living that dream and all it has to offer.  Yin has Yang.  It’s foolish of me to think I can have it one way all the time.  That is a wrong view on life.  I am going to find the good in Denmark, and I don’t have to look very far because I’ve realized it is all around me.  I just can’t let negative thinking block my view.




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